That was a conversation between my mother and I, a week before I left for Bandung, upon learning that I would be stationed in Bandung alone. My father, on the other hand, had a faith that I would be just fine as he has a lot of friends in Bandung and the fact that majority of the population are Muslims, he did not worry so much for my living and training to be a teacher here. These two important people in my life are the reason for my being here, and I thanked them for giving their permission for me to pursue my dream. I was one of the luckiest 25 students who had been selected for this programme and I came here with a purpose – to inspire students to be better in English, as well as in their lives.

Thinking of my safety I just agreed to my mom’s suggestion, but the plan changed as my third sister was offered an Asasi programme so she needed my dad much more than I did. (That’s a kak long’s sacrifice, haha ;p) Besides, my dad was not that worried because my uncle was in Bandung for a football tournament. He is not Syafie Sali though. It was just a friendly match and Thank God he waited for me at the airport. My parents were also relieved learning that he was staying in a hotel which was not that far from my school.

A lot have I learned since the first day I was here. I did not have that teary-eyed moment in the airport before taking off because we were already late and we were running like some groups from the Amazing Race in order to catch our plane. Why did I mention this again? Erm it was just because I am proud of my strength not to burst into tears even though I felt like it.

I have already been to Bandung once, with my family for a holiday, but it was totally a different experience than having to stay here, and work. By work, I mean being a trainee teacher.

I still remember the first day I came here. It was like a nightmare having to pray in one of the malls. I do not want to elaborate on this because you would rather not imagine our experience, but it was still bearable because I was still with my friends. We could bear it because we had one another to curse and laugh to ease the uneasiness.

One thing which I dislike about this programme is that 25 of us were sent to different schools around West Java and as a result, I am all alone. I thought it was okay because I am such a big fan of being alone. I thought wrong actually because upon my meeting with my supervisor’s and the vice principal, the crashing news I learned that they did not prepare my accommodation as they thought  UiTM arranged it already. Another bad news was that hotels in Bandung were fully booked as it was a school break.

So I remember crying in the back seat of the  car as the vice principal, Pak Rudi was driving around Kota Bandung to find hotel for me. That was embarrassing but what to do, I was scared of being kidnapped or you-know-what since I was with two men I just met, and hardly knew.

Yet as time passed by, I turned out to cherish the moments with them. Many of the teachers treat me like their daughter and some of them even be my shoulder to cry on. The sweetest thing of all is my students. My relationship with them are not limited in the classroom only. We always hang out, went for lunches, karaoke and birthday party.

Even though I have a lot of friends here, being a loner means I always go almost everywhere alone. Some of the days, when I felt like discovering some new shopping places, or some gardens, I just went out and took the famous public transportation here – the angkotan kota. It is a mini van and it is cheaper than other means of public transportation. Besides, my mom will never allow me to take a cab if I were alone. Honestly, there were many times I was lost but the people here are friendly and helpful so I turned out alright even after a frightful day.

I am also thankful for having Mr. Wahyu as my supervisor as my work place is not limited in school but I was also given chance to expand my service to University Islam Nusantara (UNINUS) I joined their English community as well as English club for lecturers. Imagine being the youngest there and having the least experience than them and joining them for a discussion on how to be a well-trained lecturer. They asked for my opinion and I was so nervous, so I blurted out that I only had 3 weeks experience of being a teacher, so I admit I am not yet well-trained as everyday is my learning experience.

It turned out they like having me there and I was also surprised that I got paid for my contribution in the lecturers English club. It was just a volunteer work for me to expand my network, but it was GOOOOOOOOOD having been appreciated like that. I still do my volunteer work in English community and it was by far one of the most meaningful experience for me.

Yet, I am sad for learning that without money, some of the students cannot pursue their studies. This lesson also made me realize that I am lucky to have been born as a Malaysian because education in Malaysia did not require so much money. Except for me, maybe because I am a high-maintenance girl, according to my dad la, but I always made them proud, kan kan?

As my being here is coming to an end, I am glad that I will return to my parents as a wiser lady and a grateful daughter. Not to mention, way much stronger.

1. I was busy with my studies -it was a hell of a semester, in which I was scared to death I could not maintain my CGPA due to a lot of on-going assessments.
2. I was busy with my new life as a trainee teacher in Bandung, Indonesia that I do not want my students to read my writing, which probably would revolve around my sadness, waiting for a single International call, from Mister you-know-who. Haha. Pathetic, I know.

It has been 5 weeks since I have been stationed at SMA Pasundan 2, and my service as a teacher is coming to an end. I can’t wait to be with my family again, yet I am sad to leave my students and friends here

Have you ever heard your parents fighting and your mom said ” Abang, kita perlu berbincang”. This is a translation of what westerners are used to.  Hint : “Honey, we need to talk”. There is nothing wrong with that, except for in our culture, we are not used to this. Do you agree?

Instead, our moms will say ” Abang, saya nak cakap sikit boleh?” Then dia pun pot pet pot pet macam machine gun, and panjang pulak tu, walaupun pada mulanya  cakap nak cakap sikit je kan.

Inilah cantiknye budaya kita, sebab kita dia ajar untuk bercakap berkias. Kita juga diajar untuk ‘berkasar’ secara lembut. (Wah, an oxymoron!) Tak percaya? Cuba google tv program Oh Yeah, Sentap bersama Afdlin Shauki tu. Budaya sindir-menyindir adalah satu budaya Melayu yang mengajar kite untuk bercakap kasar secara lembut. Remember his rules? (Keluarkankan kata-kata manis, pandang ke atas, tangan di dada)

It makes you laugh and it is our culture. Budaya ada baik, ada buruknya. Baiknya budaya sindir menyindir ialah untuk menjaga hati dan air muka seseorang. Beralih pula kepada sisi buruk budaya ni – Some people won’t get this.

Orang Melayu cakap, tak paham. Okay? Saya sediakan beberapa situasi untuk anda hakimi ;

1. Ketika anda beratur di kafeteria kampus, sedang anda ingin cepat kerana perlu ke kelas. Tiba-tiba, seorang pelajar memotong barisan.
2. Ketika anda berdiskusi bersama kawan di kawasan sekitar fakulti di hari minggu. Beberapa orang lelaki, mungkin pelajar jarak jauh, duduk berhampiran dan merokok.

Apakah reaksi anda terhadap situasi-situasi ini?

Mahu tahu reaksi saya? Tak mahu? Ahh saya tak peduli, karena saya nak menyampaikan hujah saya ni. Sabar je la eh.

1. Reaksi saya dengan pelajar memotong barisan – menarik muka masam, menjeling sehabis baik bagi menunjukkan protes.
2. Reaksi saya dengan orang merokok di dalam fakulti, walaupun di hari minggu – mengipas-kipas muka saya (yang dah muncung sejengkal) tanda protes terhidu asap rokok, sambil berkata dalam hati “EH korang ni tak paham bahasa ke, tak suka la asap rokok ni”

Mahu tahu selanjutnya? Reaksi orang-orang yang mencetuskan kemarahan dalam hati saya ini?

1. Pelajar tersebut membayar makanan dan terus blah.
2. Golongan lelaki itu menghabiskan rokok mereka. Cis kau.

Cuba renungkan di mana salah saya. Anda tak pasti? Jika anda tak pasti, anda pun dua kali lima macam saya (yang dulu) Saya yang sekarang sudah sedar kesilapan saya dan akan memperbaiki kesalahan saya.

Macam lecturer saya cakap “Don’t just complain, give some solutions, or else, you are part of the problems”

Maka saya sudah jumpa jalan penyelesaian. Mahu tahu? Renungkan dahulu dan tunggu entri sambungan saya.

Of all the wild ride for this semester, nothing can beat the past three weeks.

For the past three weeks, my life was like a roller-coaster ride. At times I was euphoric with the sudden height, then it pulled me down so fast that I felt like my heart stopped pumping. It was the combination of both – having Mr. F in Malaysia for a short three weeks, and having to catch the due dates for assignments and micro-teaching.

I got to spend time with him the few days upon his arrival, and the last few days before his going back. Unlike the previous year, I did not fetch him at the airport because I had a test on that particular Saturday. On top of that, I did not present at the airport to bid him farewell as I had another test the following day. Sedih, yes. Sangat! But what to do, my priority is my study.

The last four days were also the ‘climax’ of my euphoric excitement. We went out  in the wee of Saturday morning - jalan-jalan , makan-makan. Then I had a test on the same Staurday morning at 10.30 to 12.30. Then my real ‘roller-coaster’ ride began as from that moment on I had to drive back and forth from Shah Alam to Kota Damansarac(his sister’s house where he stayed) to Setapak (my dad’s house where I stayed during weekends)  several times within a day!

Living in the fastest lane is the exact metaphor of my having to get here and there. Thanks to my beloved car for she had to bear the excessive braking as I literally driving in the fast lane for the couple of days. I just wish there is no ‘saman‘ ticket being issued. Fingers’ crossed.

Ohh yeah, I had merepek too long to actually come to my main idea the morning after. The morning after I went out with him will always be ear-to-ear smile. Unlike those morning afters, the morning after he left for Bangalore was the hardest one. I got up, only to find myself feeling like sobbing, but also to hold back my tears because I had to sit for a test and I need to get going. The morning after,  I got up, only to feel the ‘emptiest’ days ahead because there is no more text from him to ‘instruct’ me with his plan.

That morning after, I cling to my pillow so hard not to think of the days ahead.

My life has changed to its normal course now – plain doing assignments, going to classes and nothing to anticipate. I will get enough sleep, enough time for myself. But still, if I had a chance, I really opt for the busiest days as long as I still get to be with him. Alas, our duty are our studies, so let the studies come first before our love affair.

Rindu you, Mister Nik Farhan.

I just checked the Air Asia website to, you know, just do some ‘window shopping’, predicting when will I have time to go back, but nay, I don’t have that enough time to go back in the near future as I will be having classes on weekends.

I then browsed for a clip which my lecturer showed in our class, and it brought me to tears again as I could partly relate to it. I still remember when I was little, when my dad was taking a nap, I would always be super terrified if he suddenly stopped snoring. I would go close to his chest and tried to hear his breathing. Sometimes I would just woke him up and find some lame excuses. Or at times, if he was taking a nap on the bed, I would go “lompat-lompat” on the bed until he woke up.

I also remember when my parents went to perform their hajj, my sisters and I were having difficult time to sleep and we could sleep only until my grandmother gave us my dad’s t-shirt and my grandfather imitated the sound of my dad’s snoring and soon after, we fell asleep. This is something which my grandpa will always recall and tell us , how manja we were with my dad.

I also remember well enough the anxiety of a 5/6 years old girl when waiting for her dad. My father at that time was working as a lecturer and he would come back like other office workers, on 5 or 5.30 p.m. I would always be anxious waiting for him as I was terrified something might happen on his way home. There was time when I felt he came back too late. It was about 5.50 p.m. and I was waiting outside and went like “Abah, da lama along tunggu. Sangat lama. Pukul 5.59 baru abah sampai” with a sulky tone and that “5.59 p.m.” was my lamest attempt to exaggerate how late he was but to no avail as my dad ended up laughing at me with his reply “mane ade pukul 5.59..hahaha”

Up till now, I still wonder why on earth did I not just say “pukul enam”? Duh. Then when I learned his office number, I would dial up sharp on 5. I would always try to get him on the line, and it was always in vain as my dad rarely at his office. Which always gave me a hard time calculating where he was like “maybe abah pegi beli pisang goreng” so I calculated how much time he took from the stall to home etc. etc and if he was a tad late from usual time he came back, I would have some panic attacks. What a miserable child I was.

First of all, choosing to fight with your friends, rather than trying to find a solution for your resentment. If you still see no other way than solving the problem, then, by all means, launch the silent treatment, but please respect other people. This would mean, do not show your resentment because your negative vibe would actually affect others. I mean, come on la.

If you are angry at someone else, why should other people  suffer as well? This leads to another advice – don’t spread around your so-called pathetic story. Memorize this by heart - truth will prevail, so sooner or later, people will know who’s the victim. Remember, there are both sides of a story.

If you want to launch your silent treatment, do it wisely. By this, I mean, no showing around your bitter face. It makes your ‘enemy’ laugh because they know you’re the one who suffer, not them. So, by all means, pretend to be happy when in fact you’re not. Another thing you should remember is that when you spread around the words, you get dosa for free. Do you know not the term? Seriously? It is called ‘mengumpat’. Go and google the term.

I really don’t understand the need of blaming people for your mistakes. I do believe you don’t see it as your mistake. Well, young lady. Let me enlighten you with this. It came to me as an horror when I read your blog when you stated you cannot do your revision because your friend made so much noise. Not only that, your friend’s attitude continued to boggle you and further demotivate you to studies. Let me ask you a question, have you addressed this issue before bursting up with anger? Nay, you haven’t, have you?

Let me tell you this, a simple act of saying “awak ni bising la, boleh senyap tak sebab saye nak study?” will ease you from torturing yourself like this? It is not her who demotivated you, it is you who sabotaged yourself to study. I did have a problem back then when I could not focus on my book when I was in my room, so I headed to the library – it’s a solution to my problem, not just blaming others. So, again, it is you who need fixing. Fix your communication skill before attacking others with your uncharitable words. You, poor thing.

Another thing which I do not understand is that why waste time to publish your ‘artwork’ on the blog, if your ‘artwork’ only highlight your weaknesses? (Ya, I just wasted my time posting this, when I should be doing my critique essay) Your weaknesses which I concern the most is your language competence. If you’re not that proficient, don’t try to coin a new word for instance – bad + est = baddest. It hurts my eyes, knowing that you will teach English someday, but you don’t improve yourself.

This leads to another BIGGEST question mark from yours truly – WHY DID YOU BOTHER SETTING UP A BLOG TO EXPRESS YOUR RESENTMENT, when you can spend the night to improve your language competency? Or you can improve your rhetorical discourse that when people read your writing they will agree with you. Then only you can attract people to read.

Another advice from me is that why should you highlight on people’s negative sides, when I think you are the one who is negative. For example, you accuse your friend for being ‘a friend for benefit’. But then the truth is that you’re the one who’s taking advantage from her. It is not an accusation though, since I’ve been observing you for quite sometime. (If only I could record it) If she did take advantage on you, you should ask your self what benefit did she get from you? Is not that ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’, is it? So you help her, you get pahala, but you ungkit-ungkit, you get nothing young lady.

I could spend all day elaborating what you did wrong. But then, your choice of being ‘you’ causes me a heartache. This writing is also not to attack you, but to make you see into the problems you created. Don’t just see, but look and digest it.

Just keep this in mind ” Be friend to a mirror and you will see a horror film” – that’s the film you just directed, and there is still time to change the plot. Kthanksbye.

I am now lazing around, it’s lunch break and having Nasi Ayam made me thinking of bed.

Urgh, okay lets get back to my main point. I have yet find a way to beat the wanting-to-just-stay-at-home feelings, but I found out how to cheer myself up, with hope that if I am cheerful, I will have the semangat to go to classes.

Try to watch this, and surely you will laugh till your heart stops. (okay hopefully not la, but I laughed till one of my lungs is about to collapse)

I have been introduced to Cikgu Shida by my ex-roomate and the roar of laughter are still echoing in my ears when I watched her lip-syncing.

As a TESL student, we have taken up drama class which one of the requirements is to lip-sync. How I wish I have been exposed to Cikgu Shida when we were about to lip-sync. Haha. It was hilarious considering that we were given one day to berangan being an artist.

Not only that, our performance was recorded by the faculty technician and I am sure my lecturer will show it to dearest juniors to expose them how to lip-sync. (Malu!)We were given a microphone to hold and God, it felt like the mic was shaking all the way to finish the song.

Oh ya, the song I lip-synced was Can’t Take My Eyes Off You. We did not have the opportunity to do as Cikgu Shida is doing. Female students can only mime/ lip-sync to female artist song.

I am not her fan yet I am not her hater as well. In this case, I’d rather be ambivalent.  Well, to her haters out there, chillax la. If you hate her, don’t watch her. If you hate her so much, keep it to yourself. In terms of her profession, I don’t think she’s doing anything against what Ministry of Education has outlined. As long as she does her job than she deserves to be a teacher. That’s just my take on this issue.

Anyways, I still laugh whenever I watch her videos.

Comel, aren’t they?

Anyways, as I wrote a birthday wish on her Facebook’s wall, I came across with her father’s wish, which I am smitten by. Such sincere and simple wish, which someone else’s daughter can relate to (in this case, yours truly )

So here is the wish ;

Setahun telah berlalu, it mean satu tahun telah berkurangan umur kita, so penuhkan sisa yang berbaki dengan amalan dan bekalan untuk kealam yang kekal abadi, anyway selamat hari jadi, insyallah will deposit to your TH’s account RM5k for… as per promise.

p.s. Oh ya, scratch that RM 5k gift. If it’s not in Tabung Haji’s account I can get her to belanja me lah. Hehe.